TEST DRIVE 001b

[pyracy]

Try on those ridiculous clothes, sample the catering, and run through your lines. It's time for the Long 18th Test Drive.

ARRIVAL: Characters come to in a dark, tropical forest in a huddle. There are the sounds of strange birds, animals, and insects all around, some of them perhaps worryingly close. With a closer inspection, arrivals realize they're on an incline: Going up will prove fruitless, no matter who they are. The ground there starts to grow rocky the further they climb, and they may find themselves slipping back down to their arrival point, even if they're expert mountain climbers. The ground sloping downward will eventually level out leading toward light, music, and noise. But for the moment, they're simply a group of lost people (or monsters/bipedal animals/robots/etc) with no idea where they are or how they got here. Now's probably a good time to ask, "Who the hell are you? Where am I?" Time to use the buddy system.

TORTUGA: There's a town off the coast of Hispaniola that never sleeps, and that town is Tortuga. It's swapped hands more times than anyone can count, but for now, the French have it. And they do like the extra money the pirates that frequent it bring in; they like it so much that they imported over 1600 prostitutes from Europe to keep them happy. So you might as well relax while you're here, as much as you can with random gunshots and fist fights, anyway. Drop in for a drink at the Faithful Bride, check out the wares for sale (provided to you tax-free thanks to piracy) near the dock front. Visit the warehouse where those ill-gotten goods are stored and distributed. Maybe you're looking for work on a ship? The captains can usually be found - frazzled and busy - in the taverns and at the shipwrights and everywhere in between (just look for the hats), and if they're in a good mood, they might be willing. But the key point of Tortuga is this: Have fun. Some examples might include: A barfight! Wandering into a brothel (maybe by mistake)! Getting duped into joining a crew! There's no end of trouble to get into.

MIRROR POST: When they arrived, every person found, in a pocket or a bag or tucked away somewhere on their person, a little compact mirror. It's nothing fancy: Square, with hinges and a latch that keep it closed, the outer casing carved from seashell, the inner mirror a little spotted with age. But if it's played around with enough, it quickly becomes apparent it works as a communication device. Here you have access to all of the marked folks, no matter how far and wide they might spread. Need to have a heart to heart with a buddy in Singapore? Want to send out a general ad to everyone at large? Looking for answers to questions? This is the quickest way to get all of that.

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: The world is open, and it's full of pearls that are just waiting for you to take them. Maybe you want to have some quiet time to scrub clean in a bathhouse in Singapore. Perhaps you're visiting the fabled pirate city of Libertalia in Madagascar. Maybe you've found yourself lost in Mayan ruins or stranded on an island. Or you were shipwrecked in a hurricane. Or you've decided to relocate to Port Royal or one of the American colonies for a quieter sort of life. Either way, this is your story, might as well make it a good one.

Comments

[childhero]

[Link lowers the mask, head tilting slightly.] It won't do that. It doesn't have any magic.

[... he's saying that with a straight face, very seriously.]

[yondu]

It doesn't?

Guess you got it all figured out, don'tcha boy? Here, let me see it.

[He holds his hand out to take it if Link will pass it over. That poor vendor looks like he might have a stroke. Yondu is kidding, but he doesn't know if the horrible blue man is going to try and devour the small rabbit boy. Or whatever he is, with ears like those.]

[childhero]

[Link obediently offers the mask over. He hasn't entirely made the connection yet about that whole "bite-sized" thing. He knows he is bite-sized to a lot of monsters in Hyrule in Termina, so he's taking it a statement of fact, more than anything else. If the mask was a magical monster, then there's a chance it could eat him.]

[yondu]

[Yondu looks into the mask. Turns it over with the same scrutiny as he gave the pig. Turns it again. Sticks it up to his face so his red eyes are looking through it.]

Now it might.

[But then he immediately takes it off and hands it back to Link.]

Here ya go. Better keep it in safe hands. [Or at least ones that can afford it because Yondu can't afford nothin' right now.]

[childhero]

[Link just looks confused, more than anything else. He takes the mask back and turns it over in his hands, inspecting it closely. He doesn't feel any new presence of magic in it.

When he looks back up to Yondu, his expression is a mix of disbelieving and curious.] You put magic in it? [he questions, tone bordering on skeptical.]

[yondu]

No. [Also matter of factly.] I was gonna eat ya. But you're too skinny.

[That's when the vendor pipes up.] Look, I don't want any trouble. Please don't lure small children away from my stand to eat-

I'll eat you here in a second! Don't you know the difference between bein' serious and bein' funny- [Yondu was reeling around in his protestations but it seems the vendor has vaulted the back of his stand and went running for his life because the sharp toothed man is much scarier to him than he is to Link.]

[Yondu watches him go.]

[Free pig for him!]

[He picks it up and puts it in his pocket.] Looks like I just got a brown britches discount. Can't beat a price like that.

[childhero]

[Oh.

...

Well. That happened.

Link watches the vendor flee with a blank look on his face. If he has any opinions about Yondu stealing the pig trinket, it doesn't show.]

I didn't think you were going to eat me, [is what he offers, though he sounds puzzled, like he isn't sure if he should be giving reassurance or... what.]

[yondu]

Nah. You're right. You got me good, boy. I was only plannin' a little bite, anyway.

You oughta get home to your daddy or mama. I'm sure they're already gettin' worried about you in a place like this. [He knows whenever he took Peter into space ports, he always worried his head off when the little bastard would take off and get himself into trouble and then Yondu'd have to go and fish him out of it.]

[Sure it helped learn him how to take care of himself but that didn't mean he didn't worry about the little turd when he didn't know what he was into.]

[childhero]

[Link shakes his head.] I don't have a mother or a father. [Well, he did, once. But he never knew his Hylian parents, and the Great Deku Tree...

But. Anyway.] I can take care of myself. [He shifts so that the Mirror Shield clanks softly against the Gilded Shield's scabbard. He can only hope the blue man is actually going to believe him. That's always a toss-up with grown-ups.]

[yondu]

[Yondu has started making his way away from the stand. Just because if that vendor comes back with back-up, he really doesn't want to start trouble.]

[That is a big butter knife that kid has strapped to his back. Heavy armaments for a half-pint. So he's inclined to believe him.] I'll believe you got the handlin' yourself part of it down but it seems like the people part's still got you trippin' up.

[The kid doesn't get scared. He doesn't find things funny. He doesn't even look annoyed.]

Takes a little more'an figurin' out whose gonna eat you and who probably isn't gonna eat you. 'Cause in my experience? Even if it ain't literal almost everybody's out for a piece. This place is no differnt. If anything it's got more of it than out in the usual universe.

[childhero]

[When Yondu begins strolling away, Link follows, still holding the wooden mask.

And it seems like he's right, because Link just looks confused about the idea that someone might mean more harm than just physical injury.] A piece of... what? [He sounds like he can't imagine what else someone might want.] Do you mean items? [Aka, getting robbed.]

[yondu]

[Yondu very pointedly does not mention that Link still has the mask.] I mean lotsa stuff. Things you have. Things people can trick you into doin' for 'em.

Sorry about your folks, though.

[He hopes it wasn't a situation like his own.]

[He heads down some steep stairs, coat swishing around his calves as he strides.] Even people that can take care of themselves can't take care of everything. Take my word for it. Sort of a double edged sword. Like that big ol' perforator you got on your back.

[childhero]

[Link has to hurry to keep up with Yondu's long strides, his boots pitter-pattering along, his equipment clanking with each step. He contemplates whether or not he should get the Bunny Hood out.]

That makes sense. [All of it -- People trying to trick him into doing things, people not being able to do everything on their own. He... understands that.] I'll be more careful. I'm used to having a fairy with me, but I haven't always had one.

[yondu]

What's a fairy? 'Sat a good thing or a bad thing? Like somethin' you got instead of a parent?

[Is he Peter's fairy?]

You probably oughta figure out a way to get some money, too. Shinin' shoes or whatnot. Or take up with one o' these captains. They gotta have some work for ya.

I know I gotta figure out somethin'. [Usually he's the captain, and now this? It's a dirty shame.]

[childhero]

[... "what's a fairy"? Link doesn't think he's ever met someone who didn't know what a fairy is before. Maybe people who hadn't seen one, at most. Link stares up at him in surprise.]

They are... forest spirits. They're small, [Link tucks the mask away into his pack so he can hold his hands up, using his fingers to make an approximation of the average forest fairy. Teeny tiny.] And they glow. There are lots of different types, like the guardian fairy, which are this big. [He moves his fingers apart to a bigger size.] They are assigned to Kokiri to be their partners. You can see the wings on guardian fairies, because they have four of them that are long.

[yondu]

I ain't got half a clue what you're talkin' about, squirt. Closest I know to a "forest spirit" was a big twiggy wood man.

[He looks at the space between Links fingers before planting himself on a railing outside of a tavern, badly wishing he could go in for a pint. But again, that moneylessness. Maybe he can get a job as an assassin and kill some people for a few quick bucks. That'll work, right?]

[Oh yeah, fairies.]

You show me flying people that little and I'll show someone in bad need of swatter insurance. I guarantee there'd be some bad mistakes made here and there if they wound up in this neck of the woods.

So how'd one o' those little things help keep you outa trouble?

[childhero]

[Link frowns just at the very idea of hitting a fairy with a swatter. It's the strongest reaction Yondu's gotten out of him yet.]

They look out for you. And they're very smart. They know all kinds of things, like how to read, and monsters' strong and weak points, and they can sense evil magic.

[... wait. Something else the blue man said is catching up to Link.] "Wood man"? [he echoes belatedly.]

goddammit still editing.

[yondu]

[He sees now! Bring these little fairy people into it and that's where this boy's been hidin' all his gumption. Right there.]

So they help you pick people off better and heal you up after you've gotten your ass handed to you? Sounds like a good person to have at your back.

And yeah, good to have in a place like this. Though I figure so far everybody's gonna have the same weak points.

Here- [he taps his head] -and here- [he taps his chest]. The usual suspects. At least for the time bein'. As for that wood fella, I ain't got a clue about him other'n he's made of wood an' his name is Groot.